Sitting In LimboThe nature of overpowering feelings is such that one cannot live with them without them to change their life. In most cases the change is impossible, because, as the saying goes, people don’t change. They are rather changed by the people who truly alter the nature of their life. When these people elect not to come into your life, the potential change is left stagnant, bursting uncontrollably into random elements of your life, until it simply has to be brought in check.
Is this part of the self that is inseparably vested in the person we permanently remove from out existence any less deserving to persist though just because we fail to find a controllable use for it? Some say that the ability to admit an ending, to turn around from a dead end and find another way up the mountain of life is admirable and powerful... but isn’t it horrible? To have the ability to cut out an aspect of the self, and do it again and again and again, just so the remainder can continue the journey? How many potential yous can you murder before the present you is no longer the traveller, but rather just the travail of the journey, where each action is designed to perpetuate it long after all the goals have withered away down the cul-de-sacs of necessarily-abandoned possibilities?
Devious Comments
I've experienced many dead ends, from other persons new path or choice of life. Sometimes it was so horrible and painful that my mind almost collapse over itself, with all the "ifs" and "whys" that comes with each ending.
But than, I was put in an inverse situation, where I was the one that had to choose another path, and the feeling lingered for months until it was unbearable to watch and live a life around a relationship that, while I still cared very much about, was becoming too much of something heavy and quarrelsome, that declined to a breaking point. So I took a stand that was more painful to me than the pain of being left behind.
In each of this turnings in my life, I was profoundly altered, like a new set of tools for the mind, a new way to see the world and dealing with it. So, although "the potential change is left stagnant", other potential arise to take place, so that the possibility of happening again is reduced.
Its hard to sink or even erase strong feelings that were brought by others, but the pursue for happiness shouldn't make prisoners.
Murder of the self in that way, sometimes can be the rebirth of the true self.
Horrible?!? Indeed. But is that, or permanent stagnation.
"How many potential yous can you murder before the present you is no longer the traveler, but rather just the travail of the journey, where each action is designed to perpetuate it long after all the goals have withered away down the cul-de-sacs of necessarily-abandoned possibilities?" - This is indeed the scary part. This is on my mind all the time. I still have no answer...
Cya friend
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WaNt SoMe TeA DeAr AlIcE?!?
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"It happens automatically." - The Last Emperor
But see from this angle: One can close itself to reduce destruction of the self and become more stagnated although coherent, making way for a the same thing to happen again, or learn how to receive the full blow and bloom again from the ashes, not entirely new, but just enough for a new cycle, with more possibilities to be the last.
Although profoundly or moderately changed, the core of the self only changes if one loses grip, with the other departure. It happens sometimes, and unfortunately something gives in. but every time, change makes us adaptable, ready for the unknown.
The central point is: Is one ready and strong enough to overcome the problems in the relationship and maintain the self (that also changes through a relation), or begin another cycle murdering part of it in the process, or even stagnating?!
Don´t get me wrong, I agree with your statement and questions. I just see them in other ways.
I'm really loving this talk.
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WaNt SoMe TeA DeAr AlIcE?!?
I am of the view that life is fundamentally a journey of self-discovery, and as such the true self is in most cases impossible to truly get in touch with, and so surpassed in importance by one's perception of it. So while relationships (or even breakups) may not be able to change the true self, so long as they change the way one views oneself (ideally gaining greater awareness of this core you speak of), that change is effectively permanent until some dramatic twist of life can change the viewpoint.
It's likely why people seek relationships, and rarely change without them: because without the intense emotional flare they don't see much of their own core, and so fail to develop new opinions on it.
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"It happens automatically." - The Last Emperor
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